sherwat:

chrissykilljoybitchtits:

inc-omparable:

im-fandoomed:

hitlervevo:

why the fuck cant we text the police

lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you

Here in Canada you can

Here in England we just… scream and run

Here in Scotland we paint our faces and run towards the murderer

Here in Australia you are the murderer

itsbetterthananal:

my brother is 21 years old and a chef in a 5 star restaurant and he still has dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets for dinner every night so dont let anybody tell you how to live your life

If anyone ever tells you you put too much Parmesan cheese on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. 

(Source: whitestgirluknow)

darrynek:

I literally spend every day waiting for it to end

not-clarissa:

the day i get married, i am going to plant a pear tree, and after the tree starts producing, i’m going to put my arm around my husband, hold up one of the pears and say “we make a great pear”

ryolis:

lets take this to the bedroom

i say as i carry my bowl of ice cream to my room